Right-wing media and influencers across the UK are claiming a government petition demanding a General Election equates to a vote of no confidence in the government. However, the petition's impressive number of signees lags behind the current leader, which aims to resurrect Spangles, a favourite sweet of the 1970's.
'Sir Keir Starmer has to accept the will of the people and talk to the King about this at their weekly audience,' said Dan Steely, the petition's creator. 'Hopefully between them, they can persuade Cadbury, or Trebor, or whoever made them to fire up the presses and get Spangles back on British shelves where they belong. If we can do this, then I've got plenty of other ideas for petitions: To bring back the Bar Six, change Snickers back to Marathon, and re-join the European Union. I think the first two have got the best chance of going somewhere.'
In Whitehall, civil servants monitoring the petitions were said to be advising ministers about the best course of action, and which flavour was most likely to appeal to Reform voters. 'We originally thought blackcurrant,' a member of the petitions team told us, 'but then we realised they'd baulk at anything with black in the name. So, we decided on the classic English flavour of pineapple. To be honest though, it wouldn't have mattered which we'd chosen, once we'd put them in Union Flag packaging and called them 'Patriot Sweets' we'd never keep them on the shelves.'
Image: WixAI
