‘No room for you but your cats and dogs would be welcome’ Johnson tells refugees

Boris Johnson has told Ukranian refugees that, unfortunately there is no room for them here in the UK but their cats and dogs would be most welcome to come and stay.

The PM is alleged to have said that we are a nation of animal lovers and their pets would be loved and well looked after. And of course, they don’t need a visa or a sponsor. The animals could be vetted and processed within hours of arriving here in the UK and would find a new home within days.

A private charter flight is taxiing on the tarmac at Heathrow Airport waiting for the go-ahead from the main decision maker in No10. Boris Johnson is thought to have had some input behind the animal-rescue idea too.

‘Ukranian cats and dogs will no longer have to cower in underground car parks or run for their lives from Russian snipers. They will be safe here in the UK’ , the PM is thought to have said. 'There is no need for the Ukrainian people to thank us for our generosity….it is the least we can do.

'We are world-beaters at housing animals from war torn countries. No other country has done as much as the UK to help Ukranian animals flee the war. Ukrainians can sleep peacefully in their beds knowing their pets will be safe from Russian bombs here in the UK. For now at least.

'One day we might even be able to take in some actual pet owners. But you know how it is.

Paperwork, background checks, visa applications, processing etc…..

We would love to help Ukranian people find safety but as you can see, it’s just not that simple’.

Image: Pixabay/blende12

Consortium of Nazgul, Pirates and Hans Gruber to buy Chelsea

The Premiership confirmed: ‘Applying our fit and proper test, we will be transferring the ownership of Stanford Bridge to a group of Sith Lords and the cast of the Godfather. We’ve turned down a bid from Thanos as too similar to the Glazer’s takeover of Man Utd. And we dismissed a tentative offer from Xenomorph, called Frank.

‘As Roman Abramovich knows we’ve taken a strong line on banning anyone connected with war crimes and human rights’ abuse – unless, of course, they come from Saudi Arabia. That’s different. Now please, give it up, for the new chairman of Chelsea FC - Keyser Söze’

Image: Pixabay/ahundt

‘Worst day of my life’ says man having to wait his turn at McDonalds drive thru

A Dewsbury man has told of his pain and suffering after being forced to join the queue at his local McDonalds drive-thru.

Jason Beesley took to social media to complain about the ordeal saying that it was 10 minutes of his life he would never see again.

The father of four says his kids had endured an agonisingly long wait before their meal arrived and had missed part of their favourite TV show as a result.

Jason said he could not think of anything worse than having to sit helplessly in his car as he watched other people in the queue get served before him.

‘It was carnage in that drive-thru, I witnessed things I thought had been consigned to the history books. By the time it arrived we had gone off the idea of a burger and so threw it in the bin….we went and got pizza instead.

I made comments about it on Facebook. People need to know about these things and should not suffer in silence.'

'It was an ordeal I hope my kids will never have to suffer again. I’ve a good mind to ask McDonalds for compensation', continued Beesley. 'They don’t suffer inconvenience like that in other countries…..so why here?'

Image: Pixabay/LordLucas