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That G20 declaration on Ukraine, in full



Ukraine is a country. Russia is a country too. No country should attack defenceless grain without good reason. Oil is fine. Death is bad, from any cause - road accidents, listeria, overdoing it at the tanning salon, leading a full scale military rebellion with your private army then stopping that rebellion then mysteriously dying in an unrelated plane crash two months later, whatever. It's all bad. Nobody likes it. Zelensky is a President. Putin is a President. There is a kind of butter called President. Live long and be happy.


Love to everyone.


Yours, the G20


Putin survives Special Military Election



Vlad the Bad had welcomed the challenge from Jevgenij the Cook-Monster. “Nobody trusts the regular elections in this country, it’s only when you survive a coup de etat that you can actually tell you’re a really popular guy.” International election monitors sent glowing reports during last week’s election, saying that unlike the 2018 Russian elections, this time both the government and the opposition sides had guns, tanks, and thousands of armed thugs. Additionally, both sides were able to freely publish porkies on the internet. “This was the most free and fair election in Russia since 1993, the last time tanks rolled into Moscow - I love watching democracy at work!”



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