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Self-declared winner of the Venezuelan Presidential elections Nicolas Maduro has allegedly declared counting votes as 'old fashioned', 'too complicated' and 'booooring', adding that he had won the vote 'mainly on vibes', and noting that there’s no point stacking Venezuela’s National Electoral Council with close allies unless you can get the result you prefer.
A spokesperson added 'President Maduro has been practising his surprised face for when the result is whatever we need it to be. We look forward to definitely not imprisoning more of his political opponents. And definitely not fiddling the election receipts so it eventually looks legit when we finally allow people access.'
Addressing American criticism of the obvious fraud, the spokesperson responded by saying, 'Oh yeah, how’s it going having Donald Trump as a viable candidate in 2024, despite, you know, everything.'
image from pixabay
With the majority of UK voters staying at home, Labour has swept to victory on a wave of apathy, astride the surf board of regret. Their gamble paid off, that although they were hated, the Tories were hated more. With reported election fever just being trapped wind.
In a triumph of the least worst option, Labour now hoped to deliver on their promise of no hope. They set out a bold vision of winning and then counting down the clock until the big pension kicks in.
Sir Keir wasted no time in becoming vilified, something most PMs take a few wars to become. He told a packed audience that he would never knowingly meet their expectations and would always strive to seem bald on the inside. Crowds of upwards of five people, held up placards demanding change. To which Starmer said he would - but only his socks - and then only once a fortnight.
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