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'You're getting mugged at gunpoint and right now, you have no cards!' Washington police chief Trump told the terrified victim of an armed robbery while out on the beat in the city's streets.


'You have no cards,' he stressed, treating the victim - a visitor from Ukraine - to a few cuffs around the head, 'so the best thing you can do is to hand the guy with the pistol all your money and your valuables, and then crawl off and cry.'


Police Chief Donald Trump was demonstrating to reporters his 'beautiful' new approach to crime.


'There'll be no more crimes, because I'll say they're not crimes,' he said, patting the mugger on the shoulder and letting him saunter away with his pockets stuffed with cash and gold.


'I'll say the victims brought all this on themselves. They could have stopped it at any time,' he continued, to sycophantic nods from his retinue.


'Soon, there'll be perfect peace across the US because the criminals will have got all they wanted from their victims and won't feel like robbing them any more. Then I'll claim my Nobel Peace Prize.


'As for you, you pathetic victim,' said Trump, tasering him for the amusement of his sniggering lackeys, 'the price I'm charging for having protected you back there is half of your yard, because I want to extract minerals from it.'


Image: WixAI




Fears are growing amongst friends and family of America’s First Lady Melania Trump ,nee Knauss,that the president intends filing for divorce and is actively seeking a fourth wife.



Rumours yet to be confirmed or denied by White House staffers are saying Trump is insisting that a new Ukrainian or Russian wife for him must be part of any American solution for peace in Ukraine.



His three stipulations are as usual, she must be young, pretty and have a lower command of English then he has.



Despite sacking Melania’s English teacher early in their marriage ,Trump has become more and more aware that his wife’s vocabulary far exceeds his own and that on the few occasions he allows her to speak in public, he and his MAGA followers struggle to understand her.



Trump’s second wife Marla Maples, after his failed marriage to Ivana Zeinickova, was in fact American. An actress and TV presenter. She later described being married to Trump as like living with a Twelve year old with a speech impediment and likened him to an excitable Red Setter,constantly looking for praise and attention. She wrote, if I told him he was a good boy he would jump on his bed, playing with his Golf balls and trying to lick his own nuts.




According to FBI files, Trump is no stranger to mail order brides and that he is in fact, Donny (,could have been a professional golfer) ,from Florida ,that has been banned from numerous Thai Mail order sites. With his IP address traced to the Mar-a-Lago area, Trump is alleged to have inundated hundreds of Thai women with unsolicited Dick Pics and a promise of the Best Marriage, the best marriage in history.



With his recent criminal convictions ,accusations of rape, sexual assault and flings with Porn stars, Trump is not worried about any adverse public reaction should he dump Melania and bring in an immigrant, as Trump has said many times, my supporters make up excuses for me.


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