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Apple launch Actual Reality headsets for $3,500



Alongside their new virtual reality headsets, Apple has also launched a revolutionary 'actual reality headset'.


Early adopter Karl Aid enthused 'The batteries last for ever, they weigh nothing and when you're wearing them it's like looking at the real world, because you are.'


Some commentators have criticised the $3,500 price tag for what appears to be - and is - an empty box. An Apple spokesman explained the pricing; 'You're not just paying for the technology, you're also paying for the classic Apple design and the fact that the headset is made from the finest thin air from workers - who are definitely not slaves - in Zhengzhou.'


Apple will also stop their auto correct from auto-correcting rude words, although texting 'Jeremy Hunt' will now auto-correct appropriately. One tedious shin said 'Swearing isn't big or clever, but Apple are total can'ts. Total ducking bankers.'


H/T: stewartbarclay

Apple Vision Pro will visualize a Brexit that worked



Apple engineers explained: ‘We were told to create an augmented reality, so we made a hybrid between the beer googles of Nigel Farage and the rose-tinted monocle of Jacob Rees Mogg. The image quality is poor, but if you squint you can just about see the sunlit uplands.’ Some have accused the company of creating a dystopian sci-fi fantasy, but others said that was already done with the £350m logo on the side of a bus.


Users will be presented with a virtual UK, dynamic and successful – while their actual bodies will continue to experience malnutrition and regret. At a mere £2500 the new headset is expensive but is £30bn cheaper than the actual Brexit.


Said one satisfied customer: ‘When I had the Vision Pro on everything seemed better. Ironically I hadn’t switched it on, but sitting in darkness seemed preferable to Britain in 2023.’


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