Rejected Valentine’s Day poems

Our writing team are incurably romantic and they worked hard on their Valentine's Day cards to their nearest and dearest. Unfortunately, some of the romantic verses didn't make the cut - and here they are:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I've got a knife

Get in the van

beau-jolly 

Roses are red

Violets are red

My hands are red

Will you be my alibi?

Roses are lovely

Violets are nice

You are quite stunning

And should fetch a good price

If music be the food of love

You are my 4'33"

I slept with your best friend

That was a mistake

Can you put in a good word

With your sister Kate?

I've developed a rash

And it hurts when I pee

Thank you my love

For my new STD

All by FlashArry  

Roses are red

Poems are fun

Marks out of ten?

I’d give you one

Midfield Diamond  

Roses are black

Violets are black

Everything is black

Fetch me the Prozac

modelmaker  

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Hot and sultry

Perhaps a little damp

And covered in jam and wasps

sirlupus  

Roses are 8

Violets are 9

I'll give you a good rating

If you'll be mine

NOT Titus  

Roses are red

Violets are Blue

God made me handsome

What happened to you?

robowurzel2  

Roses are red

But don't smell that well

And that is becos

I got them at Shell

deskpilot

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

Stupid Cupid

Valentine’s Day relationship test subverted by big business

According to social media, you can find out if your partner really loves you by suggesting that they should peel an orange for you. If they are prepared to undertake this small act of kindness for you, then they are indeed a keeper.

However, big business has moved in to undermine the test, as up-market stores are now selling pre-peeling oranges, satsumas, kumquats and even grapes. And to minimise the effort required even further, you can have them delivered to your house in under 30 minutes.

So, if you feel the need to test your partner in this way, you should make sure that they haven’t been cheating on you with the internet.

Experts say that it may be better to address the issue more directly. For example, by asking your partner if they can lend you fifty quid.

Image https://pixabay.com/users/1103997-1103997/