USA looks forward to golden age of artistic rebellion

On the premise that the most chaotic and turbulent times produce the greatest art, the US is bracing itself for a creative explosion during the second Trump term - alongside a few actual bombs. The coming years promise a feast of film, music and poetry, and maybe even the discovery of a rhyme for 'orange'.

In America alone, the sixties counter cultural revolution took place against a backdrop of the Vietnam War, while the Reagan 80s saw hip hop become a global force. In the UK the 80s saw the Specials and the Smiths. In Africa, the most successful pop music innovation came from military-era Nigeria, Mobutu's Zaire and apartheid South Africa. While in Europe, the last days of the Iron Curtain produced - well, it works most of the time.

Still, many established artistes are not happy. The fear of a wave of righteously angry newcomers revolutionising the nation's cultural industries is believed to be why so many Hollywood stars opposed Trump. Said one studio mogul, 'I can take half the stars leaving - as if - believe me, I'd be happy to see them go. But please tell me that having a President who's been shot at doesn't mean I have to start taking Oliver Stone's phone calls again!'

Image by Douglas Gustafson from Pixabay

New American administration 'admires Ukraine's spirit' but will sh!t on them anyway

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Squirrel Apologizes for Cuba Blackout

A squirrel named Sparky has posted an official apology on X for causing Cuba’s recent nationwide power grid failure. ‘I was just sitting on a wire, munching on some tasty insulation, when I heard a loud pop and lights went out all over the neighborhood,’ Sparky said in the statement. ‘I apologize to anyone I might have offended or inconvenienced, and my thoughts and prayers are with the Cuban people,’ the statement continued.

The Cuban government reacted with outrage. Unable to use the internet, it hired a light plane to skywrite the words ‘Fuck Yankee squirrels’ in Spanish. ‘The statement by the so-called Sparky is obviously a lie,’ said an official statement circulated on what appeared to be toilet paper. ‘If he had been chewing on a wire he would have been electrocuted, so this is clearly American sabotage.’

The Cuban government has long suspected the United States of sending squirrels into Cuba to damage its decrepit infrastructure, explained Alfred Newman, Associate Professor of Rodent Insurgencies at the University of Leeds. ‘It isn’t clear whether the squirrels are being smuggled in by plane and boat, or whether the Americans have successfully bred a species of amphibious squirrel that can swim the Florida Strait,’ Newman said.

Calls to the American Department of Defense and Central Intelligence Agency went unreturned. The Cuban government has launched a nationwide squirrel hunt, offering 50,000 acorns for information leading to Sparky’s arrest.

Photo by remi skatulski on Unsplash