Ukraine peace-keeping coalition to include Russia

While the United States is choosing to prevent Ukraine defend itself, many European countries are preparing to provide peace-keeping forces in Ukraine to help maintain the peace, should a ceasefire be agreed.  The United Kingdom is expected to provide troops and material, the French - troops and catering, the Germans - troops and sausages and so on.

The United States of America is currently sulking so is not expected to show up, however President Putin has offered to provide Russian troops to compensate.  In fact, he's offering two troops for every Ukrainian, British, French, German etc troops in the country 'for balance'.

Keir Starmer is understood to be delighted at the offer of help.  'It's nice to finally meet a world leader who keeps his word,' he is understood to have said.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Amendment to UN Declaration of Human Rights

A controversial draft for changing the UN's DHR has been proposed. "Breaking into your house and shooting you counts as self-defence if I have reason to think you might be dangerous."

The nationality of the draft's sponsor, Moshe Cohen, has not been confirmed officially. Moshe insisted," Obviously, there would need to be racial safeguards built into the amendment. White men with red necks would have a prima facie case to suspect danger from dark-skinned folk but the reverse would not apply. Haitians & other well-known pet eaters would need to prove their pacifist intentions. While the Bible could be cited to justify suspicions the Quran could not be considered equally."

A man wearing a towel on his head spoke out against the proposal. "Such a law would open the door for foreign nations to target the Knesset as  fair game for missiles as the military leaders of the IDF are well known to use it as a venue for meetings. This could set a dangerous precedent whereby gangs of medieval men would not be free to enslave & oppress any females who chanced to be born in 'their back yard.' "

Most national leaders declared they would not be able to offer any judgement on the amendment without consultation with & analysis from their financial advisors. The bankers were considered likely to be the deciding force.

image from pixabay

UN tells eastern Europe “OK, enough new countries now”

The United Nations has formally asked eastern Europe if it could kindly stop subdividing into new countries every five minutes.

”OK, Yugoslavia breaking up we understand,” said a spokesman today. “It was an artificial mess cobbled together at the end of World War One. One of many stupid things we did then and ended up paying for later.

”But then one of the countries that made up Yugoslavia, Serbia, subdivides again as first Montenegro splits off, then Kosovo. Then Czechoslovakia splits into the Czech and Slovak Republics.

”And now somewhere called Transnistria wants to break away from Moldova. Which may or may not have been part of Yugoslavia - frankly I’ve lost track at this point.”

The spokesman pleaded with eastern Europeans to just “calm the f*** down” and stop breaking away from each other, adding “You realise we have to reprint all the stationery every time a few dozen of you decide you’re a new country? It’s just getting tedious now. Frankly I’m afraid to book a holiday to Croatia in case it no longer exists when I get there. Even its main seaside resort is called Split.

”And honestly, Slovenia and Slovakia? Do we really need both of them?”

Image: padrinan - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com