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Responding to accusations that Russia is committing war crimes, Ivan Tchorland remarked, 'It wasn't us. The Ukrainians blew up their own mall in Kremenchuk.'
When further challenged with footage of a missile striking the building, he declared, 'Russia doesn't bomb civilian targets. The strike was meant for a military target nearby.'
When shown proof that there are no military installations anywhere near the town, Tchorland said, 'it was some big boys what done it, but they ran away.' He then burst into tears crying, 'I want my mam.'
Enthused by the solidarity of the rest of the world in supporting Ukraine in the Eurovision Song Contest, the residents of Spike Island with access to radio transmitting devices are saying they feel proud to have taken part in telling Russian warships within the range of their transmitters what they think of the situation in Ukraine.
Those restoring the Sankey Canal applaud the radio hams' courageous actions and claim that it seems to be having the desired effect since not a single Russian warship has hampered their restoration efforts, and admit it probably wasn't worth the trouble of erecting watchtowers from the Mersey estuary all the way to the double lock at St Helens, now that they've realised how powerful modern technology can be.
Boris Johnson has however, praised the money received by Widnes council from the levelling up fund on the watchtowers, because even after the Ukraine conflict is over, they will help prevent refugees from arriving in Britain to help the failing economy recover.
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