This comes off the back of the controversial decision to keep a military base on the Chagos Islands. Critics say it is a waste of money funding an uninhabitable rock half way across the world, but others say it is 40 minutes on the Portsmouth ferry. Sadly the Isle of Wight is of strategic importance to absolutely no-one, least of all the cows that make up 70% of the population.
The original lease was given to the Romans but the Romans did not know what to do with it. Caesar declaimed "Veni, Vidi, Abire" – I came, I saw, I wandered off – admitting that neither he nor the natives had read the small print. Later in the 18th century Queen Victoria renewed the agreement for grazing rights and so she could bath up to the knee, while still wearing a dress.
At the height of the Cold War Shanklin was used as a training camp for the Cub Scouts. And with the renewed threat of Putin, the Brownies have once again been mobilized. Remarked one local as he polished his collection of turnips: ‘Getting a nuclear warhead is all very well but we'd rather have a Woolworths.’
