UK to fiercely boycott American spellings of words

With the limited options available to UK consumers trying to avoid US goods, an alternative boycott is required that packs a real punch. This is because most US products are either heavily involved with local UK suppliers, like fast foods, or are just a bit rubbish anyway like their cars and mass-produced beer which are easily avoided at no great loss.

One clear method to completely destroy American influence and bring the failed ex-colony to its knees is to ensure that their sad attempt at the English language is not used at all. UK residents will ensure when writing, ALL the correct vowels will be used. You should be involved, literally, U should be involved in coloUr, flavoUr, humoUr etc. The spelling of words is not a grey area, and gray is not a word.

A petition is to be sent to the government to ban the language option “English (United States”) from all software applications. The letter Zed, as in ZEBra, not Tseeebraahh or whatever they say, is not to be used as a knock off S in many words, people need to organiSe and analySe their dialogue and recogniSe how marvellous it is. The UK is quite clear in which words to use and will unashamedly call a pavement a pavement. 

Car parts will be referred to correctly, and unless it is hydrogen, gas shall not be used to power cars. When speaking, they will purposely enunciate the H in herbs, and aluminium shall be said and spelled properly and not be bought from America. Anyone saying “like” more than twice in any sentence will be booed. Do not say donut, just don’t, they are made of dough, not do, so doughnut it is, clear?

It won’t be long until America is begging for a trade deal on UK terms, which will then be politely, yet firmly, declined as we will at one with our long-term trading allies in Europe, who we have never fallen out with.

Image: Pixabay/geralt

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‘Braveheart' level celebrations as footballer wins throw-in

A footballer was surrounded by chest beating team-mates after winning a throw-in somewhere near the half way line.

Fans near the touchline said the throw-in celebrations reminded them of the rebel rousing speech given by Mel Gibson to his troops during the film Braveheart…only with better acting.

Players beat their chests, bellowed pledges of loyalty to the badge and roared defiantly at the assistant referee for not putting his flag up sooner.

The player who won the throw-in was greeted with chest bumps and high fives from team mates and the goalkeeper ran 40 yards to kiss his forehead.

Fans started singing the players name and pundits in the studio said winning the throw-in had probably added an extra £15m to his transfer valuation.

Social media was soon ablaze with conspiracy theories surrounding the incident with some fans claiming the throw-in was taken from the wrong place resulting in the referee receiving death threats from opposition fans.

When play resumed the player took the throw-in near the half way line and the ball was played back to the goal keeper.

Fans can see the winning throw-in on Match of the Day this evening or on iPlayer if they miss the show live.

Have your say : Was it a throw in or did the assistant referee get the decision wrong?

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