Mothers’ maiden names to be made more complicated

It is a question asked millions of times a day in call centres the world over. ‘What is your mother’s maiden name?’ All too often it is a piece of information that can allow fraudsters access to all manner of private data.

Studies undertaken by the Institute for Online Security in Reading have revealed that four out of ten people will reveal their father’s name, the name of their first pet and their favourite subject at school within five minutes of meeting a stranger.

Professor Maria Higg1ns42 said that women’s surnames should in future contain at least eight characters, including at least two numbers. But Dr Helen W00psy-diddly-d@ndy! says that may not be enough, and is proposing even greater complexity with the use of shift and alt keys, and possibly even Cyrillic characters.

‘The issue is even more complicated than that,’ argued Jim 12OcelotSandwiches, senior lecturer in security studies at the University_of_12_Peculiar_Secrets.

‘Too many of us will invent funny mother’s maiden names only to blurt them out in social situations to gain an approving laugh. Then we’ll need a new password, and so on. I can see a future in which people will have to prove their identity by producing a sample of an agreed bodily fluid.’

Image: madartzgraphics | Pixabay

Story taken from '15 Years of Typos'

Cluedo’s Rev Green released after 2016 conviction deemed to be 'unsafe'

Following a painstaking investigation by BBC’s Panorama programme, convicted murderer The Rev Green, is to be released from prison after what’s being called a gross miscarriage of justice during the now infamous Cluedo Mansion murder case in 2016.

Green was sent down for a full life term without remission, following Mum’s revelation that it was he who committed the grizzly murder using a length of lead-piping in the mansion’s stately ballroom.

However, that conviction is now being called unsafe after new evidence emerged during the investigation accusing Mum of frequently cheating at all family board games.

Daughter, Tamsin, confirmed Mum had once stashed an extra £500 note from a second Monopoly set, in order to settle a crippling fine that would otherwise have seen her crash out of the game, after she landed on Mayfair which belonged to Toby who had two hotels on it.

Speaking to Panorama Dad said: ‘I’m gutted by this. You think you know someone and that they can be trusted… then they go and do something like this. Sickening! It’s impossible to convict Rev Green now, as we only have Mum’s word for it that the incriminating evidence was actually even in the envelope at that time.’

Nevertheless, Mum was putting on a brave face. They can go ahead and broadcast whatever they have but I’m not worried. I can’t imagine either Police or the CPS being remotely interested in what is clearly nothing more than just a silly trivial pursuit.

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‘Invading Iraq was Lionel’s idea’ reveals younger brother Tony

Lionel Blair was responsible for the British decision in 2003 to invade Iraq, his younger brother Tony has announced. ‘I realise it was the most difficult decision my big brother had to make, apart from turning down a role in It ain’t Half Hot Mum’, the former Prime Minister confided.

‘Lionel and George (Bush) had formed a close relationship based on a shared interest in tap and jazz dancing and genocide,’ the New Labour veteran told a press conference. ‘I was busy working with George Brown on fiscal policy and with Una Stubbs on Give us a Clue at a difficult time when I didn’t have a clue at all.

Then Lionel came back from Washington having made the deal with George. I knew nothing about it till then. I remember it because it was the same night Una taught me how to do Three Men in a Boat with two hands, and just as I sat back exhausted the missiles landing in Baghdad came on the TV and Lionel shouted, ‘Ooh fireworks!’ which I thought was in bad taste.

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