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A suspect in a TV crime drama has once again capitulated from his initial stance of responding to every question with a smarmy 'no comment' and has admitted to a range of offences under mild questioning.
The incident, thought to be the 3,625th of its kind this year, happened nearly two thirds of the way through an episode of Vera, with experts noting that it seemed to follow the same pattern as every other interrogation scheme in every sodding Detective show.
'These cases all seem to follow a similar timeline. Its the speed of the capitulation by fellow cons that is a worry here', noted Mickey 'Mad Mike' McBride, head of Grifting at Crooks R Us.
'Always the same. A couple of confident 'no comments' to a direct accusation from a know-it-all TV detective, delivered with a wry smile, arms folded, with a casual lean back in the chair.', continued McBride. 'Usually accompanied by some supportive nods and note taking from their brief.'
'But then, there's a follow up question suggesting the cop has some new piece of evidence, or that they can negotiate some time for the suspect to talk with their estranged wife and son, and bang, they just totally spill the beans', noted McBride.
McBride has called for a radical overhaul of police-suspect dialogue, with TV crime suspects expected to deliver at least 20 'no comments' before giving in, preferably alongside some sarcastic slow handclaps at the wacky but actually correct theories of the detective.
'Far too many police dramas depict detectives going to interview a suspect, asking one specific question, leaving to repeat the activity with several other suspects before returning to the first suspect and asking a supplementary question that must have been obvious the first time around,' said police trainer Brian Filch. 'They must have got the idea from somewhere and we know scriptwriters shadow real police officers for background knowledge, so we suspect this is happening in real life. If it is then the carbon footprint alone must be huge,' he added.
Police on Brian's training courses are also going to be encouraged to not gather all the potential suspects together in a room, or on a beach veranda, and untangle the facts of the case without issuing a caution or allowing legal representation. 'Apart from the legal nightmare of not reading them their rights, the passing around of physical evidence is likely to create massive loopholes in the eventual court case,' he said. 'It's not professional and shouldn't happen,' he added before dismissing journalists.
'One other thing,' he was heard to say as the journalists reached the door.
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