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Trudeau: 'Plucky Nazis beat Russia in WW2'



A somewhat confused Canadian Parliament gave a standing ovation to a Ukranian SS soldier, while singing 'Heil Hitler Dir!', to the tune of 'O Canada'. They declared: 'If WW2 taught us anything, the only baddies were the Soviets.'


Wearing blackface in solidarity with coal miners, the PM explained that Hitler was a god-fearing anti-communist, and therefore could do no wrong. A spokesperson elaborated: 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend, which is why General Pinochet was such a great humanitarian.'


'Remember the Taliban? Look what a super bunch of guys they turned out to be.'




Canada denies increase in population linked to Trudeau blacking up



The population of Canada has increased by over a million in just a year, with many of the new arrivals looking suspiciously like Justin Trudeau on a night out. A government source said many of the new arrivals are from war-torn locations such as Ukraine or Syria, and from countries in chaos such as Iraq, Afghanistan or the United Kingdom post Brexit. 'Mainly the Brexit effect,' suggested a spokesman, 'Brits looking for a country that speaks English, pretends to like the French and isn't likely to engage in national self-harm'.


Asked if the influx is likely to change the national character the spokesman said, 'no, we're still as boring as shit. That's why we still think it's funny to cover our faces in boot polish'.




Fat Owl of the Remove snubbed at school reunion




"I say, chaps. It's the awful oik Johnson. Who let him in?"

"I think he must have sneaked in through a toilet window."

"More like crawled in under a hedge."

"Look at the state of him. You'd think he'd have learnt how to tuck his shirt in by now."

"Still doesn't use a hairbrush, I see.


"Where did he end up after he left us?'

"He went to that Britain Comprehensive."

"The one in Special Measures?"

"That's the one."


"Well, I think someone should show him the door. Trudeau is a big lad. Let's get him to do it."

"No. We don't want to spoil this get together with any unpleasantness. Let's just ignore him."

"Right you are."

"Agreed. Joe, old chap nice to see you. How was the flight?"


Boris: "Thinks ... The rotters. What a mouldy chiz."


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