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Treasury confirms it is funded by CCHQ

'Notionally we're Civil Servants,' said a Treasury spokesman today, 'but we've noticed our pay slips now come from CCHQ.  We didn't realise at first, but someone pointed out we were being paid cash in plain brown packages and the pay slips were handwritten', he added.


Members of the public have complained that the Treasury has embarked on a series of social media messages boasting about the Government's success in halving inflation, reducing tax and slapping down Carol Vorderman.  The spokesman denied the Carol Vorderman accusation.  'That was Lord Bailey.  Probably Grant Schapps or maybe Michael Green, depending on the day of the week.  Might have been Johnny Mercer or his missus Mrs Minge, but it wasn't us,' he said, admitting he'd also received hate emails from the Bank of England.  'Apparently they don't think it was us who halved inflation, either,' said the spokesman, ruffling a handful of tenners.  'I don't care, I've a Tweet to draft claiming the Treasury has secured World Peace,' he said.




Treasury will get GPs to do your dishes and then regrout your downstairs loo



Her Majesty's Treasury are pretty sure that General Practitioners would like to take on extra jobs and get out of their surgeries more. 'They must be so bored with the limited levels of diagnosing stuff they haven't had to do in recent years,' grunted a Treasury spokes-elf as it stepped, blinking into the light.


'All we're doing is coming up with bonkers things for Liz Truss to vaguely mumble while she gets everyone else to graft as she sweats bricks putting her feet up. Bone idle and lazy is what everyone else in Britain is. She knows because she got other people to work it out for her while she busily had another cuppa.


'Also, nurses should fill in potholes with leftover semolina, firemen need to get right on the case sweeping down giraffes with toothbrushes, and teachers must go on gruelling quests to find rings which make you invisible.'


Pushed on whether getting GPs to make financial assessments was really foisting Treasury responsibility elsewhere, the response was, 'Lord Treasurer, no. We just fancy a crack at sticking our fingers up your bottoms.'


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