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However hard the government bends over backwards to appease its core vote, a dyed in the wool true blue forever Conservative voter continues to be dissatisfied with the amount of pain being caused to those around him.


Gyles Tebbit from Surrey barked, 'This is just not good enough. I expect more. I expect more pain. I expect more suffering. I expect more wails of agony from those around me. This isn't what I didn't vote for.


'What this government needs to do is to get up off its lazy arse and get someone else to start sticking the knife in properly. I didn't not fight in World War II for this. Our Maggie had the country in absolute meltdown and all of us pummelled into submission in half the time. None of this u-turn nonsense you see today.


'I want every last foreigner kicked out. I want everyone coming over here taking our jobs and our women deported to Rwanda. And then I want every last one of our women back in their kitchens making babies. I want the kids of today rid of once and for all. I want everyone on strike sacked. I want everyone in work sacked. I want the unions crushed. I want the NHS dismantled. I want all those meddling greenies locked up. I want the poor taxed out of existence. I want the welfare state pulverised. I want the economy destroyed. I want full on hard red, white and blue Brexit done properly from the start. And bring back mandatory hanging for everyone.'


Now clear off. I'm a very busy and important man who needs to get into my German SUV, race to my local Italian, knock back a few French reds, call my Greek tax accountant from my Dutch mobile, and then fly to my second home in Spain.'





It has just been announced that union reps and the workers they represent will record a modern version of a Christmas classic in order to raise money for people currently suffering with the cost-of-living crisis.

If you'd like to sing along when you hear it on the radio or at your local picket line, here are your lyrics:


The Twelve Days of Staggered Walkouts


On the first day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

A vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the second day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the third day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the fourth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the fifth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the sixth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the seventh day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the eighth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the ninth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the tenth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Ten people tweeting

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the eleventh day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Eleven police policing

Ten people tweeting

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the twelfth day of staggered walkouts

My manager gave to me

My P45


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