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The sacking of over 800 workers by P&O shows that Brexit is now working for UK employees said a government spokesman .


He told reporters: 'If we had still been part of the EU the Dubai owners would not have been able to lay off hundreds of UK workers overnight and replace them with cheap agency staff from overseas.


He went on to add: 'Being free to sack UK workers at a moments notice should be seen as a Brexit dividend by P&O employees who now find themselves able to explore alternative avenues of employment that they not otherwise have considered…..or thrown on the scrap heap as some people might see it.'


Sources close to the Minister have criticised distraught P&O crew members as being doom-merchants and opportunity deniers.


Tory ministers have criticised Unions for getting involved in the dispute saying it was a return to the 1970’s when all union officials ever did was stick up for the rights and welfare of UK workers.


‘We do not want a return to those dark days when union members immediately turned to their Unions for help and protection from employers. Brexit has freed us from harmful things like employees rights, health and safety regulations and the right to protest.'


When asked what happened to the millions of pounds of British taxpayers money received by the Dubai based company during lockdown does not help the situation the spokesman commented.


'After all the necessary checks and balances it was clear to everybody that P&O was not a viable company…. which is why we gave it £150m to help them with the sacking of the crew. But without Brexit that sort of thing would not have been allowed to happen. It’s ‘taking back control’….aftervall, it’s what UK workers voted for.



First published 19 Mar 2022



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It has just been announced that union reps and the workers they represent will record a modern version of a Christmas classic in order to raise money for people currently suffering with the cost-of-living crisis.

If you'd like to sing along when you hear it on the radio or at your local picket line, here are your lyrics:


The Twelve Days of Staggered Walkouts


On the first day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

A vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the second day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the third day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the fourth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the fifth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the sixth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the seventh day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the eighth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the ninth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the tenth day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Ten people tweeting

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the eleventh day of staggered walkouts

My union rep gave to me

Eleven police policing

Ten people tweeting

Nine heaters heating

Eight feelings sinking

Seven deadly sins

Six placards waving

Five cold pas-ties

Four quite strong words

Three biro pens

Two reasons to chant stuff

And a vest of high visibi-li-ty


On the twelfth day of staggered walkouts

My manager gave to me

My P45



First published 4 Dec 2022



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Companies are showing increasing interest in using brain-monitoring technology (‘neurotech’) to keep track of what their workers are up to.


Trials at a French-owned TotalPrix discount store have already proved the value of the technology, by electrocuting and grassing up staff,


Retail assistants on minimum wage wore a special beanie hat that monitored their brain waves. While the staff were stacking shelves, talking to customers or working at the checkout, there was no discernible brain activity. However, brain activity ‘lit up’ when staff nipped outside for a vape or a quick shag, when they played on-line gambling games, and when they were nicking stuff.


The store manager was impressed. He said that the store didn’t hire people to think and that the neurotech gizmos clearly showed that when staff are thinking, they are up to no good.


The staff, however, proved resourceful in undermining management’s attempts to watch their every move. One staff member sold his £60,000 neuro-beanie to a customer for a pound (everything’s a pound) and another dodged the surveillance by putting the hat on his dog. This staff member was subsequently fired, as the dog had, apparently, been thinking bad things.


Future iterations of the technology may be able to deliver larger, more painful electric shocks if independent thought is detected and fatal ones if staff members appear to be unionising.


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