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Rees-Mogg announces the publication of a new weekly pamphlet in support of Johnson


It was announced this evening that Jacob Rees-Mogg intends to personally write, publish, print and distribute a new weekly pamphlet in praise of the beleaguered PM. This is understood to be in direct response to what he sees as the unfair witch-hunt against Mr Johnson in the media.


A spokesman for the sepulchral oddity and MP for North East Somerset said: ‘Mr Rees-Mogg has acquired a small printing press and will be producing a most splendid and brightly optimistic communiqué offering Mr Johnson his fulsome and most loyal support. Jacob believes Boris is doing a wonderful job in tackling the pandemic despite never being seen in public other than for photo opportunities. He intends for the pamphlet to set the record straight.


'He will print at least forty copies of the communication, entitled Our Glorious Leader, and he will then personally place one in each of the coaching inns and wayside taverns so prevalent around the environs of the Palace of Westminster.’


When pressed as to whether it might perhaps be more effective and quicker to harness today's plethora of digital technology and media marketing platforms the spokesman replied. 'Mr Rees-Mogg has no time for newfangled gimmicks such as magic lantern apparatus, eleck-tricity and so forth. These he sees as pure evil and the instruments of Satan. Rather, he prefers to do things in a tried and trusted manner.’



First published 3 Jan 2022



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Liz Truss to repay 22 billion blackhole by becoming Deliveroo driver



Sources close to Liz Truss have said the former Prime Minster is preparing to be of service to her country once more in its time of need. The former Prime Minister has a plan to repay the 22 billion pound blackhole in the current public finances by taking a job as a Deliveroo driver in Norfolk.


The Former Prime Minster, who appears to have lost none of her keen grasp of economics, has told colleagues she is a great believer in the gig economy, people should be able to pick-up short-term work whenever they need it like being a Uber or Deliveroo Driver or Prime Minister of a G7 Country.


Despite being blamed for one of the most calamitous financial episodes in recent British history, when her mini budget involving massive unfunded tax cuts nearly turned the country into a live re-enactment of the Hunger Games, Truss remains unrepentant.


She believes her robust response to help restore government finances will set an example to the people of Britain who she believes have become a nation of idlers. And by calculating that it will take her a mere 1.2 million years to repay the current debt, she will overturn people’s views about her economics although not about her sanity.


Photo by Carl Campbell on Unsplash


Starmer unleashes golden age of philosophy and enlightenment




Keir Starmer is surfing a tsunami of personal popularity as he begins to remake 10 Downing Street like a shining city upon a hill. As he forges a fair and just society for all, the sheer force of his charisma whips the people into a frenzy of happy adulation and Starmer is carried shoulder high throughout the land, women holding up babies for him to bless with his touch. 


One soothsayer commented 'It is as the ancient prophets and scriptures foretold. A new Jerusalem. His feet, walking upon England's (and even some of Scotland's) mountains green. A new Camelot. A new golden age of philosophy and enlightenment. He is accompanied by a flame haired woman quite a long way to his left, a slightly sensible woman balancing books and chaos with Ed Miliband.'


Starmer woke with a start as the campaign bus pulled into a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. 'What a strange dream' he thought. 'Now remember, you're the son of a tool-maker, not a tool.'

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