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The Chancellor has given another of his daily briefings on the contents of the March budget. After twenty or so previous briefings, journalists’ commitment, and credulity, is being tested.


Today the Chancellor laid out the enormous costs required to deliver millions of overdue NHS operations, to build more houses, to address climate change, and to get re-elected.


In view of the enormous costs attached to health, housing and climate change, the Chancellor is warning that he must make difficult decisions. The government is currently considering reducing the size of the civil service to zero, in order to save £16.6bn per year. But this is only enough money to build around 83,000 houses each year, and assumes that all the sacked civil servants find similar private sector jobs (so that there is no reduction in the income tax take and no unemployment benefit to pay). No money would be left over for the NHS, or anything else.


Having made a thorough appraisal of all the options, the Chancellor said that his current thinking is to boost the economy, growth, and exports by abolishing inheritance tax. This would be very popular with the media and should be reported very widely, on the basis that it is almost certainly true. It should not be derided as idle or unfounded speculation. The Chancellor also explained that although abolishing inheritance tax appears to favour the top 5% of earners, the trickle down effect would, over time, provide all the money needed to fix the NHS, the housing crisis and avert climate change. Probably. It was therefore a policy that all voters should support.


The Chancellor is expected to make another sad effort to get into the newspapers tomorrow, by giving yet another budget update.




The Prime Minister came out swinging today when he announced his intention to be known as "Rizz Sunak" for the rest of his administration.


'Call me Rizz, yeah?' said Mr Sunak at a press conference, sparking memories of former PM David "Call Me Dave" Cameron, now a cabinet member. He went on, 'The old dishy Rishi is gone, Rizz is here now and he's going to Rizz up this cabinet. Who's with me, Fam?'


A confused press corps looked confused and slightly alarmed as Mr Sunak appeared to be wearing an enormous hoody with the words "Toriez 4 life" on it; red adidas tracksuit bottoms; Blue Nike Air Force ones; and, perhaps most bafflingly, a beanie emblazoned with the Rwandan map.


After taking questions and answering in a bewildering new accent, somewhere in between Eton and East Ham, Mr Sunak said he was leaving to be with his Cabi-fam such as Dowdz (Oliver Dowden), Shappsy (Grant Shapps) and M-Govs (Michael Gove) pointing out that the latter knows where to get the good stuff.

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