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Despite having a leader whose lifestyle is unaffected by his wife losing £49m, it appears that the Conservative Party is now so skint, it has sacked all the cleaners at party HQ.
Ministers are now taking turns with hoovering and washing up, although no-one has yet dared ask Dominic Raab to empty the dishwasher. Our source said that "Party donors have been drying up", although it isn't clear whether there is a rota for this.
While some ministers haven't scrubbed anything since boarding school, Lee "30p" Anderson is said to be in his element, and has been eagerly sharing his top tips on how to cheaply remove stains from your conscience, and how to get your whites white again.
Meanwhile it is hoped that with the Tories' leading lights busy cleaning the toilets, the country might enjoy a spell of good government for once and be spared from going down the pan.
Hat tip to modelmaker
First published 22 April 2023
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Golf courses are now in a hurry to identify any historic walkways on their land which the public enjoy a right to use, as they are now at risk to having compulsory purchase orders placed on the land for house building.
The move follows a previous plan by the Tory party to set a deadline of 2031, beyond which historic but unrecorded public paths and bridleways needed to be mapped so that farmers who own golf courses would legally be able to tell ramblers to get orf their land or pay for golf club membership.
The Labour government has however scrapped this deadline, since mapped rights of way might cause issues when it begins building homes on the land where golf clubs had existed, before the golfers were turfed off and the wasted land gets used for building desperately needed homes.
The deputy Labour leader told Newsbiscuit that she would hate to learn her house had been built on an unmapped right of way and have to get out of the bath to open her front door every time a group of muddy-booted ramblers or horse riders use their ancient right to pass through her house and that she doubted first time homebuyers would like it either, so it’s better to know where the pathways are first.
Age Concern however is hoping that mapping the ancient walkways might identify some footpaths which have had houses built on them, as this may attract ramblers who will give pensioners a bit of company, albeit briefly; and could help them put their bins out for the dustmen.
Pensioner Arthur Smollett, said he wouldn’t mind it if his house turned out to be built on a bridleway, because his begonias could use a bit of horse manure now and again.
Image: MeganLeeB - Pixabay
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