Iceberg sends Captain of the Titanic 'cease and desist' letter

A former Iceberg has sent a legal "cease and desist" letter to Captain Edward John Smith demanding he stop saying it 'sank the Titanic.'

Its lawyers argue the claim made repeatedly by the seafarer is 'false and defamatory', and harmed it in its journey south from the North Pole, eventually causing it to melt.

The Captain's spokesman suggested the iceberg should also write to 'hundreds of people who lost their lives' and the millions who have had to endure that bloody song by Celine Dion.

Picture credit: Wix AI

The show is over when the fat idiot sings

Government proposes building iceberg and sailing ship straight at it

A Government think tank - The Civitas Alliance for Global Warming Policy Affairs - has proposed spending £150bn building a iceberg in the North Sea then sailing the Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier at it at full speed towards it.

"This is the kind of thing that will make Britain great again", said David Campbell Bannerman, former MEP who still wonders how Brexit somehow lost him his job.

"Did you know that the Titanic movie made 10 times what the Titanic ship cost to build? So this will be a sure-fire investment; once I work out what £150bn times 10 is, I'll let you know how much we'll get back."

Liz Truss has suggested that full speed towards the iceberg is "a bit slow". 

Photo by Hubert Neufeld on Unsplash