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Harry Sparkes (64) spoke of his frustration: 'I'd had my head in the cooker for 3-4 hours and I'd still only got slightly warm. To add insult to injury, when my wife found me, she just turned me over and administered a light marinade'.
Sadly, it is not the first time Harry has attempted to end his life. He has tried connecting the exhaust pipe from his Tesla, hanging himself with bungee rope and taking an overdose of multivitamins. Said Harry: 'Depressing isn't it? I've even thought about putting a toaster in my bath, but I'm gluten intolerant'.
Updated: Nov 20, 2021
Thanks to the government-induced fuel shortage crisis, the ‘Tesla Tosser’ has overtaken the ‘White Van Thug’ and the ‘Audi Moron’ to become the most hated road user in the country.
Stories have been circulating in the press about Tesla drivers openly mocking people stranded in 15-hour queues for petrol or driving past in reverse, giving them the finger.
A sobbing Audi driver in Basildon who wished to remain anonymous said, ‘there was one bloke in front of me who’d queued for five hours in his Tesla. Then when it was his turn, he gets out his car, said he just remembered he don’t need petrol, creased up with laughter and drove off. Me and my mate were so shocked we had to stop fighting with a couple of electricians from Romford, and now I’m suffering from utter prick complex.’
A motoring organisation spokesperson Mark Kelly agreed: ‘They are utter pricks. Many of them have been pretending to run out of petrol and calling us up. As soon as we get to them, they say, ‘oh how silly of me, I quite forgot I don’t need petrol,’ and drive off. We caught one of them programming his car to play the Benny Hill theme when he pressed his horn. I hate them.’
‘We’ve all got our fingers crossed at the that the French carry out their threat and pull the plug on electricity supplies over the festive period.’
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