Radioactive capsule found after unusual concentration of superheroes detected

Australian officials have been explaining how they managed to find a 8x6mm capsule along a 900km stretch of road.

"It started when Wagga Wagga Capes and Extra Large Underpants Emporium reported a spike in sales to Newman, Western Australia.", said Pouchwoman - formally known as Officer Brenda Martin - speaking from her glittering 150m high crystal kangaroo stronghold.

"When officers neared the area, there were a lot of 'unusual' people on the road in a particular spot; Digeridoo Man, Wallaby Woman, Wombatman, Duck Bill Platypus Man - he's my husband, he's not a superhero; that's just his nickname - was with me and suggested the capsule must be close by; as I got out the car, I was bitten by a glowing kangaroo and the next couple of hours were a bit of a blur and I woke up here with the capsule safely in my pouch. And I dare say, a lot of supervillains will be a bit worried from now on. In unrelated news, Boris Johnson is visiting the Ukraine and asking about "safe houses".

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image from pixabay

Action hero actually prefers a leisurely stroll to parkour

Insisted the muscle-bound hero: 'I could have balletically traversed roofs and ledges, but I thought "nah, why bother?". It's not very restful leaping between skyrise apartments, being inches from death, when I could just as easily grabbed an Uber.

'Frenetically scrambling over buildings, just makes you look like Santa on steroids. And when you get to your location you still need to sheepishly climb down the drainpipe, like a peeping tom.

'Travelling as the crow flies may be faster but it f$cks with Google Maps and feels silly when you're not being chased by a super villain.'

Photo by Hangah Liong on Unsplash

Marvel announces new superhero: Gobble De Gook (by BlightyTimes.com)

Dear Reader, as part of a friendly exchange of satirical pieces, this article is courtesy of the news parody website BlightyTimes.com . The article we provided in return can be found on the Blighty Times front page here:

https://blightytimes.com/2022/05/13/double-keir-starmer-on-the-loose/

Marvel announces new superhero: Gobble De Gook

By Frederick Colbey

Marvel, the comicbook and entertainment company known for superheroes and teams such as Black Widow, Shang Chi, the Avengers, and Thanos, has announced a brand new superhero to their lineup: Gobble De Gook.

Superhero is fast becoming one of the most popular movie genres, with millions watching superhero films every year. There has even been a rise in superhero TV shows, such as WandaVision.

Marvel's newest superhero, "Gobble De Gook", has the power to make villains talk in gibberish.

Why did Marvel creators decide to make "Gobble De Gook"?

Despite their popularity, Marvel seems to be running out of ideas. Marvel decided to create a character that many people could relate to, seeing him in themselves or other people.

Most of us know someone who constantly talks in gibberish. So having a superhero who causes people to talk like that will resonate with audiences.

Many supervillains are after one thing: the opportunity to make a big, evil speech. Gobble De Gook will foil their plans by depriving them of this opportunity.

About Gobble De Gook

According to Marvel writer Stuart Smith, Gobble De Gook was born with his powers.

His mother was an unknown superhero who could allow anyone to speak her language. And his father was Boris Johnson.

He found out he had this ability at 13 years old when he stopped a bank robbery. The robber could not demand any money, as everything that came out of his mouth sounded like nonsense.

When will Marvel debut Gobble De Gook?

This first comicbook to feature Gobble De Gook will come out next week. But, within the next few months, he will transfer from the comicbook pages to his own Netflix show.

In the show, he is set to be played by Tom Cruise, who helped with the script.

According to the show's writers, when they needed lines for villains during scenes where Gobble De Gook was using his powers against them, they would ask Cruise to tell them about his religion.

Image from Pixabay