Sue Gray to produce report into Sue Gray report

Following the finalisation of the Metropolitan Police investigation into Partygate, the government has decided it needs to carry out a report into the Sue Gray report before it can release it. A government spokesman said, 'clearly this could have serious ramifications so we need to make sure we understand what they are and what we need to do to ensure we react correctly to the Sue Gray report, so the Prime Minister has asked Sue Gray to look into the the Sue Gray report and to produce a report into the impact of the release of the Sue Gray report.'

The report is expected to take six to twelve months to complete, but the Prime Minister has promised that the Sue Gray report into the Sue Gray report will be published 'without delay' when it is finished and considers that will draw a line under the whole affair as, he explained, it completes his promise to publish the Sue Gray report without delay. When asked about the original Sue Gray report that this Sue Gray report is reporting on the spokesman said, 'oh, look, an MP watching porn on his phone, ' and left the building before he could be asked any more questions.

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George RR Martin to finish Sue Gray report

Known as a completer/finisher, the Game of Thrones author has been commissioned to speed things up. Fans are expecting a real work of fantasy, as are the Metropolitan police.

His publisher confirmed: 'George is infamous for killing off characters, but apparently Boris and Covid have already done that. I've told him, it needs to be like the Red Wedding but with more pub quizzes. And not only will it take far too long to finish, no one will like the ending'.

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Local woman urges immediate publication of full Sue Gray report to end the bad jokes

Sandra Robinson has launched a campaign to force the Metropolitan Police to drop its objections to the full Sue Gray report so that the government can publish it in full immediately, in order to “draw a line under and move on from the constant slew of bad jokes”.

“In fact, that isn’t quite fair,” she told reporters. “It isn’t ‘jokes’ plural, it is the one, same bloody joke over and over again – whenever you ask anybody to do something or for their opinion, they respond with something along the lines of not being able to comment until the Sue Gray report is published. I’ve had it up to here with it.”

It began at work, Sandra explained, when an email was sent to a group working on a project asking for their views on a new suggestion. One wag responded that they weren’t prepared to comment until the Sue Gray report was published.

“That first time it was mildly amusing,” Sandra said. “But, now somebody at work will say it to any and every question. Some people are still laughing, but for me joke worn thin almost immediately. I mean, at least try to be original!”

More worryingly, it has now spread to the home, with Sandra’s husband refusing to unload the dishwasher “until the Sue Gray report is published in full”. Even her seven-year-old son repeated the line when she asked him to tidy his room.

“From somebody that young, it might seem quite clever to say that – but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me and made me start this campaign.”

When asked if she was worried that her colleagues would simply replace this “joke” with one about having to wait for the Metropolitan Police to conclude their inquiries, Sandra replied: “Not really, not with the ongoing unfortunate misunderstanding with Neville in accounts, the intern and the Zoom camera.”

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