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The UK government had been forced to deny the charge, that Beijing espionage has been disrupted by Barry Gardiner completely failing to influence events or wield any kind of power.
A Beijing spokeswoman said: ‘It soon became apparent that not one of these idiot MPs knew any secrets worth a damn. We’ve squandered millions in bribes, only to discover that your average UK politician has all the pull of a toddler on a tug of war team’.
First published 15 Jan 2022
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The city of York is to be renamed, to avoid it being associated with disreputable ne’er-do-wells
With the main culprit being the sweatless Duke of 'York', the city is fed up of hearing its name in the news due to worthless people being rubbish. Even Andrew’s Chinese 'not a spy business associate' was said to have gone to The University of 'York'. The Archbishop of 'York' has faced accusations of failing to handle abuse cases, not great publicity as he is meant to be covering for the top Bishop who is checks notes ……faced accusations of failing to handle abuse cases.
'The City will now be known as Jórvík, as the Vikings named it' proclaimed a City spokesperson, fully regaled in Viking armour and with a historically accurate hornless helmet. Hoping it just means a few road sign changes and some nice new stationary, the new Jórvík council have embarked upon a rebranding campaign with a Scandi vibe of calmness and reasonably priced furniture.
The city had considered “New New York”, but it felt weird and lazy.
However, due to concerns about historic raping and pillaging allegations dating from 850AD, the city is now planning on using the Roman name Eboracum instead. A fine name, probably the one good thing the Romans did.
Writing credit hat-tip: granger
Picture credit: Wix AI
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