top of page
Search

Robot ventriloquist was marvellous say audience at Starmer speech


The robot that worked Keir Starmer at his New Year speech has been applauded for its skill. “You could almost imagine it was the real thing giving the speech" said a reporter who was present.


RobotzЯus, the company who made the robot, told Newsbiscuit, 'We decided on a change of approach after our Truss model didn't go down as well as we'd hoped, so instead of installing the technology into politicians, we thought we'd see if it would work better if we had an obvious robot working a dummy.'


The BBC director general, Tim Davie, is said to have been impressed; and is hoping the AI robot will be able to resolve his long ambition of finding funny right wing comedians to fill comedy slots with.



Lewisham man beats record for words to describe 'speechless'


A Lewisham man surprised by work colleagues with a birthday card and cake has broken the world record for people describing that they are speechless.


'I'm literally speechless, there are no words to describe the emotions running through me, I don't have the words to explain how I feel at this gesture, words, frankly, fail me, I just don't know what to say,' he is understood to have said.


Unfortunately, all of his co-workers drifted off back to their desks and assumed the end of the sentence. Consequently his record will not be recorded by Guinness as a World Record, nor will he enjoy his cake as everyone took a slice while he was waffling on, leaving just an empty plate, an action that, literally, left him speechless.

Protesters banned from using PAs unless swallowed by Kirstie Allsopp



New legislation will mean all protests will need to be politely mumbled. The only way to smuggle in loudhailers will be in the rectum of Kirstie Allsopp.


Having recently swallowed her own AirPods, the TV star confessed she was working her way through the shelves at Currys. Her agent confirmed: 'Kirstie is aiming to swallow seven microphones, a boom box and a flat screen TV.'


What is not clear is if Allsopp is defending free speech or just had an attack of the munchies.



Image from Pixabay by terimakashih0:


bottom of page