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The Spanish government announced today that it would be seeking reparations from the Muslim world for the occupation of the country from 711 to 1492, and all the glorious architecture it left behind. ”This was settler colonialism, pure and simple,” said the Spanish Interior Minister Juan Fortheroad. “And all the problems Spain has today are definitely because of that, and not anything we’ve done ourselves.
Asked whether he’d like to tear down the Alhambra Palace, Fortheroad replied “Well… no, obviously not. Quite apart from being an architectural wonder that inspires me every time I see it, it brings so many tourists here, all of whom stay in hotels, eat in restaurants and generally contribute a fortune to our economy. “But apart from that, what have the Muslims ever done for us?”
In a separate action, Britain announced it was going to seek reparations from the Romans, Vikings and Normans, despite the fact that the Normans never left and most modern day Brits are in fact descended from them. “Making the whole thing the worst example of self-abuse since Nigel Farage quietly slipped off to the lav holding a photo of himself.”
Now that the GB News gig may be up, self-styled 'man' and confirmed 'bellend' Laurence Fox is angling to be appointed the manager of the Spanish women’s football team. After all, what that team really needs is the unwanted attentions of a man.
Fox is thought to know little about football and definitely nothing about women, so he is likely to select the 11 Spanish players that 'any self-respecting man would climb into bed with'. It’s not yet clear if he will include any of Spain’s current World Cup winning squad or even if he will field a goalkeeper.
A spokesgammon for Fox bellowed 'Cruyff’s total football requires any player to play in any position. So does Lozza’s - any position in bed with a self-respecting man that is. Oi oi!'
'Surely Billie Piper will take him back now?'
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