top of page
Search
SpaceX plans to launch the world’s biggest ever rocket in a laughable attempt to prove once and for all that Elon Musk’s overblown sense of self importance isn’t actually detectable from orbit.
The huge launch device known as Mikok 1 should thrust upwards into the moist Texan atmosphere, carrying a payload of highly sophisticated optical instruments, including the world’s biggest set of reverse binoculars.
A team of the company’s top space scientists and sycophants will continue to go over the meticulously planned launch, covering every facet of the rocket’s expected trajectory in minute detail. A difficult operation made all the more treacherous as mission critical staff kept getting fired via their Twitter accounts at random intervals.
The project was conceived in 2021 after two other pointless billionaires, Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson both put their lives where their money was and blasted into orbit from the safety of a well set up TV studio, which was only slightly more convincing than Channel 4’s 2005 series, Space Cadets.
It is hoped that the success of this mission will enable SpaceX to continue deeper into the cosmos, where Mr Musk is believed to be in heated discussions with God’s legal representatives about a potential hostile takeover of monotheism.
NASA’s Senior Director of Space Stuff, Hank Schitzler, has confirmed that the billionaires recent day trip into space was nothing more than one trivial step for mankind.
‘The idiots only went 53 miles up for fucks sake, and just because they wanked around with floating piss bubbles for ten minutes doesn’t mean they are astronauts in any shape or form. Space doesn’t officially start until 62 miles from earth, and by our precise satellite computerisations, all they reached was the complete waste of space. It’s so pointless we don’t know what to do with it. I mean, you can’t plant a flag in it or even play golf, for that matter. Goddam cocksuckers’.
Director Shitzler produced various coloured charts, graphs and reams of data to show that comedians hosting launches, Cowboy hats, and ridiculously permed hair do not form part of official astronaut training.
bottom of page