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Nicola Sturgeon is set to wriggle off the hook of recent controversies today as she slips the net of politics and announces her intention to resign as leader of the SNP.



Kirsty MacKarrel is tipped by insiders to be the likely next leader of the SNP.



She is said to be favoured by the traditionalists in the party, and by past leader Alec Salmond, primarily because her name fits the established convention of being fish-based.



The SNP was asked to comment, but they clammed up.




Scottish Nationalists are said to be 'saddened' to hear the people of Exeter won't support another independence referendum. SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon, is said to be 'gutted' that the Conservative leadership hustings determined the future of Scottish independence.


'It would have been nice to have been invited to put our case to the people of Exeter, given the amount of influence they have on Scotland, and Scotland on them,' said a SNP spokesman today.


In the hustings programmed for the next two weeks the future of changes to the Russian Parliament is to be determined by Conservative Party members in Stroud and the decision regarding raising the Federal Reserve interest rates will be determined by other members in Wrexham.


A spokesman for the Conservative Party denied that the 180,000 members might be overstepping their authority or that the power of making decisions on behalf of the other 99.7% of the population had gone to their collective heads.




Jack Monroe, the heroic food poverty campaigner has beaten celebrity chefs in winning the contract to replace the popular series Can't Cook, Won't Cook after the other hopefuls pulled out once they were told the meal budget would be limited to 30p.


The new show, entitled “Illegitimi non carborundum”, will show viewers with limited budgets how to dine as well as the inmates of Wandsworth prison are able to. Jack will in fact, be accompanied by ex-Wandsworth prison inmate, 'Double Barrel' Bruno who will not only act as a judge of the quality of the meals, but demonstrate useful tips on how the budget can be extended by beating the shit out of Eton students until they hand over their dinner money.


Politicians have been invited to appear on the programme, but so far only Labour, the Lib Dems and SNP have responded to the invitations. Ian Blackford is seen to be particularly keen to complement 'Double Barrel' Bruno’s advice with oratory to accompany why the extortion of pocket money from Eton students, is a kindness they won’t regret.


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