Iceberg sends Captain of the Titanic 'cease and desist' letter

A former Iceberg has sent a legal "cease and desist" letter to Captain Edward John Smith demanding he stop saying it 'sank the Titanic.'

Its lawyers argue the claim made repeatedly by the seafarer is 'false and defamatory', and harmed it in its journey south from the North Pole, eventually causing it to melt.

The Captain's spokesman suggested the iceberg should also write to 'hundreds of people who lost their lives' and the millions who have had to endure that bloody song by Celine Dion.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Team Sunak spend D-Day rewriting CVs

Political advisors who were once jubilant at being chosen to be part of the Prime Minister’s election campaign team have spent the day attempting to delete any association with Rishi Sunak after his massive D-Day faux pas.

One Spad told Newsbiscuit he had altered his CV to pretend he spent this period of his career in prison for drowning kittens to make it appear better to prospective employers than to be truthful.

'Sorry PM, I know I should be coming with you to help shore up the Tory vote in Yawnfest-Under-Shitwater, but I've got a job interview.'

Image: Newsbiscuit

H/T sirlupus

Unpredictable creatures of the deep you need to avoid