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Following on from our exclusive revelations on Liz Truss's upcoming Tory Party Conference keynote address, NewsBiscuit understands the walk-on music to welcome the PM to the lectern in Birmingham will be The Prodigy's Firestarter.
A cabinet insider who wished to remain anonymous but is more than likely Jacob Rees-Mogg, given their preposterously florid language said: 'It was thought playing a song from the Hit Parade, as we did when Mrs May took to the stage to the strains of Dancing Queen, went so well, that we jolly well ought to do it again.
'We all had a brainstorming session on the cabinet's electrical symposium WhatsApp collective contraption, and this selection seems to have found favour as being an entirely apposite metaphor for the PM's premiership to date. Although to me it doesn't sound like music at all. It's just a raucous din. Rather a lot of shouting and banging.'
Updated: Nov 23, 2021
So large is the mess that Boris Johnson has caused, that astronauts claims that it can be seen from space – alongside Kim Kardashian’s butt and James Corden’s ego. The pile of errors dwarfs the Great Wall of China and is being likened to a bigger disaster than Donald Trump’s marriage vows.
NASA confirmed that the size of the cockup was still growing: ‘It’s almost as if someone was feeding it – like a Gremlin after midnight. One second, it’s a cute Mogwai and the next its Liz Truss on steroids’,
A government spokesperson was at pains to point out that there was nothing to see, other than oceans of raw sewage and no food: ‘For those that say the nation is on fire, I say, that seems unlikely given that there’s no fuel’.
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