Car powered by sewage is proceeding swimmingly

Engineers and students at the University of Warwick are working on a hydrogen powered car that is fuelled by sewage. The sloppy jalopy development is being supported by Severn Trent Water, a company not unfamiliar with getting themselves in the sh*t.

One of the students, Ami, explained “We have tried to make the fuel induction as straightforward as possible. With petrol and diesel vehicles you fill up at the pump. With electric you use a charging point. With our car, a simple dump into the intake valve and you’re good to go.”

For their part Severn Trent have insisted more than one prototype is being built as backups will be inevitable, and they have also requested the vehicle is amphibious, so during heavy storms it can be treated as normal and pushed into the river.

Photo by Patrick Federi on Unsplash

CEO of Thames Water explains why it's all your fault

'Mainly people just don't want water anymore, it's a luxury item now and they just don’t need it, like houses. It’s also youths, that Gen Millennial lot, they just spend all their money on avocado flavoured A.I. H20 now. Kids just download pirate water of the deep dark web.

'Most of our money goes on fines so it is actually also the regulators’ fault. It’s also meddling and bureaucratic red tape from Brussels and the police with “Safety” rules and “please reduce the amount of floating turds in drinking water”. Political correctness gone mad.

'Water is not easy to look after, do you think this stuff just falls from the sky? It's hard this water stuff, no hold on that's just ice. You've got to get two hydrogen atoms for every oxygen one, it’s a logistical nightmare.

'Luckily there is a bright side, my bonus targets were mostly met. Like attending at least 4 meetings a month and spelling Tems Wartur correctly. Maybe I didn’t get that one this year…

'What we need is a 40% increase in our bonuses....I mean in the customers’ bills, otherwise the rivers will just be full of sewage, that would be awful wouldn't it? We have tried putting loads of holes in the pipes to let the sewage out, but it appears that made things a lot worse. To be honest, I have no idea how all this works, I was in charge of Southern Rail before this, and I raked it in there.'

Photo by S. Laiba Ali on Unsplash

Seine swimmer comes in last with a lump in his throat

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