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As yet another search of Loch Ness comes to a conclusion, we answer all your questions about this heap of nonsense, er sorry...we mean this fascinating mystery.
Did the search find anything?
No.
Was there ever any chance they would find genuine evidence of Nessie?
No.
Is the revelation of a possible network of underwater tunnels at the bottom of the loch a game changer?
No.
Will the mobilisation of hundreds of volunteers, on top of decades of studies and thousands of tourist trips on the loch, all finding nothing, end speculation about the monster?
No.
Does the whole thing benefit the tourist industry of the area, including two competing official Monster Museums, all of it based on something that doesn't exist?
Oh yes.
Would the volunteers be better off searching for something else that doesn't exist, like Kier Starmer's imagination or Nadine Dorries' integrity?
Not really. At least Loch Ness has nice scenery.
The 2016 agreement to disagree on the sovereignty of the Falklands Islands has been suspended by the Argentine government. 'Essentially we agreed to disagree, but now they don't agree to disagree so I expect they disagree to disagree, which probably means they agree,' said a confused government spokesman today. 'We're still agreeing to disagree, but don't know who to disagree with now - probably Scotland,' he added.
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