.
top of page
Search
A breakthrough study into Cabinet positions has revealed that the half-life of posts such as Chancellor, Home Secretary and Prime Minister are shortening at an increasing rate. According to calculations by scientists, Jeremy Hunt is likely to be replaced in under 30 days from his appointment by Liz Truss, Rishi Sunak is unlikely to last more than five weeks and Suella Braveman is looking likely to break the previous record as the shortest serving Home Secretary, currently held by Suella Braverman, by a significant margin.
'It's a pleasure to serve the British people as a record-breaking political party,' said a Conservative spokesman. Actually, the second half was said by a replacement spokesman as the first was sacked mid-sentence.
Image: geralt | Pixabay
Scientists from the University of Bern, buoyed by their success in determining why primates pick their nose, have been researching other anti-social traits shared across primates.
'We studied Lemurs that picked their noses, then eating the scrapings - initially believing it was due to a shared primate belief in the bogeyman,' said a lead scientist, 'but it turns out it was just that snot tastes great - something five year old children have known for generations,' he added.
'However we considered other traits shared, and we've noticed that many apes scratch their arse and smell their fingers.
'This suggests that construction, particularly plumbing, isn't just a human endeavour. Apparently any low-IQ knuckle-dragging moron can get a BTEC in plumbing these days,' he said. 'And often apes will lower themselves to learn these tasks as well,' he added.
Image: Kaffeesüchtig
bottom of page