A new colour, scientists claim to have found by shining a laser into idiot researchers’ eyeballs, is unlikely to be seen again by those who saw it, unless they agree to losing the sight in their good eye.
One idiot researcher told Newsbiscuit: 'I doubted the colour puce actually existed, but now it’s been indelibly burnt into my retina, I can't unsee it.'
Image credit: stablediffusion
President Trump today explained that his administration was responsible for the unusual planetary alignment that allowed no less than seven planets to be visible in the sky last night.
'Would never have happened with sleepy Joe' he told assembled White House reporters. 'This is a great day for American astrologers… astroturfers… whatever the hell they are.'
He went on to say that now the planets were obeying his bidding, it was time to think about opening hotel/casino resorts on other worlds.
'We’re calling it Mars-a-Lago, it’s gonna be great, the best thing ever. You get on one of Elon’s spaceships at Cape Canaveral, and assuming it doesn’t blow up on launch - and they’re getting much better, believe me - you’re there in 7–8 months.'
Asked whether people would really want to travel so far just to visit a barren wasteland with no atmosphere, he replied, 'People go to Atlantic City, don’t they?'
'Besides, that’s based on where Mars is now. We’re gonna be bringing it much closer. And by the way, don’t believe the people who say that would mess up gravity, or whatever, that’s just a Big Science conspiracy theory. Teach the controversy.'
Picture credit: Freepik AI
