'Acting on a recommendation from Ofcom, we will be reducing our deliveries of innocent sub-postmasters to jail down to three times a week,' a Post Office spokes-stamp told reporters.
'I know this may inconvenience some people, such as lawyers, who have been earning themselves a fortune over the past two decades by getting blameless Post Office franchisees put away on every day except Sunday.
'However, the costs of continuing a six-day-a-week, nationwide imprisonment operation are untenable.
'So if you are the kind of sadistic Nazis - or "lawyers", as we call them - who want to see their friendly local sub-postmaster behind bars, you'll just have to wait an extra couple of days for your vile wishes to be fulfilled.'
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
