top of page
Search

Putin declares first phase complete as Hogwarts is surrounded



In a surprise tactical change, the Russian army has withdrawn from Ukraine and encircled Hogwarts school, claiming the liberation of a fictional location was their intent all along. 'You can shove your sanctions,' suggested a Russian spokesman, 'once we force Harry Potter to surrender then we will be all powerful.' The UK government has extended sanctions to include all J K Rowling books, but noted that as Hogwarts isn't in NATO it can't intervene, even in literature. 'We might provide a poem or two,' suggested a spokesman from the MoD.


First published 29 March 2022




If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














Ukraine decide to swap Crimea for Moscow - for now


Ukrainian forces are signalling that they are pausing the liberation of Crimea for the time being.  They have decided that it might make winning the three day limited military operation started by Russia two and a half years ago easier if they set up a command base in Moscow.  'The Kremlin looks a good base to work from,' suggested a Ukrainian commander today.



As part of the initiative the Ukrainian army has been taking in hundreds of surrendering Russian soldiers every day.  'It saves bullets and to be fair, they always share theirs too,' said the commander.  A Russian commander was asked to comment, replying 'Slava Ukraini, would you like to hold my rifle?'


bottom of page