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One chronically unambitious hotel chain announced today it’s changing its advertising slogan to "Well what did you expect?".


'We feel this best captures the essence of disappointment felt by our guests,' said a spokesman today, 'the regret that they didn’t spend a little more to stay somewhere nicer.'


The slogan won out over other suggestions including "Like a self-storage facility, but without the charm", "At least it's cheap", "If only you’d worked a little harder", "It's reasonably convenient for the motorway", "You probably won't be spending much time in the room anyway" and "No-one has died in your room... recently".


The chain, which operates grim human warehouses all over the world, also announced that much to their surprise, their restaurant kitchens have been awarded a better hygiene rating than in the past.


'So you should make it back to your room before the diarrhoea kicks in.'


The spokesman asked us to spare a thought for the hotel staff, who have to experience their dismal hopelessness all the time, not just during a three day conference on marketing toner.




After Rishi Sunak's announcement, a team of philosophers and dustmen are working on the best way to dispose of the unused bins.


A spokesman explained, 'As you know, before Sunak (BS) we had seven bins and these were used for metal, food, plastic, cardboard, clothing, government pledges and broken Brexit dreams.'


The government has released guidance suggesting that food and cardboard can be combined as by 2028 they'll be the same thing anyway, having clothing to recycle will be a distant dream, so that won't be necessary. Finally, the plastic bin should be put into itself for recycling.

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