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Updated: 5 days ago
Prince Andrew has been banned from the Royal Christmas, following his links to Chinese spies - as opposed to his links to sex traffickers, which is more of a Halloween event. An insider confirmed: 'Andrew has said he has cut off ties with the Chinese, but he'll be hungry for more in a hour.'
Andrew still remains in the line of succession, but now sonewhere behind Prince Assad. On his coat of arms is latin motto is 'Persona non grata' and the picture of Jimmy Savile.
He will now be enjoying Christmas Home Alone, although family members have said they would rather he Die Hard. PR wise he is the Nightmare Before Xmas. He has also been warned not to date any more teenage girls - as this is not Love, Actually. How he got away with it before is a Miracle on 34th Street, but being the Queen's favourite means you are immune to prosecution - proving It's A Wonderful Life.
Image: ashsmith - Pixabay
With social media once again confused at Buckingham Palace's reports of the Queen's health, news organisations have agreed with the royal household to use updated terminology to stop people confusing Camilla for Elizabeth II.
'This is why we initially wanted to call Camilla the Queen Consort,' said Emily Double-barrelled, Royal Correspondent for the Daily Express. 'Sadly, that got vetoed and it left us at a bit of a loss. The crown also rejected our other suggestions of 'The Queen, no not that one', 'The King's Second Wife', or the slightly too long 'The Queen, but it should have been Diana, she's the real queen of hearts.'
In a statement, The King's private secretary gave clarification on the new acceptable nomenclature, telling us, 'We understand the confusion and that, after 70 years of Queen Elizabeth as monarch, old habits - much like her - die hard. Looking back on recent history, we had Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, and Mary as Dowager Queen. With those in mind, and following discussions with their Majesties, I'm pleased to announce that henceforth - due to the way she came to her title - Queen Camilla is to be known as The Queen's Gambit.'
Image credit: Wix AI
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