Archaeologists believe they have found the only known Roman dildo to have belonged to a former Italian prime minister. The 2000-year-old wooden phallus was discovered during the excavation of a Roman villa and may have been dropped in panic when Silvio Berlusconi’s wife returned home early from the shops.
Archaeologists have found traces of hair dye and dirty money on the artefact and are confident it was dropped by a former prime minister sometime in the 2nd century AD.
Roman Emperor Constantine III briefed reporters today on the planned troop withdrawal from Britannia.
He said:- “We are proud have having brought peace and civilisation to an island full of pagan euro-sceptics.
However, with the current Empire balance of payments crisis, we can no longer afford to spaff 10m denarii a year up against Hadrians Wall, even if it does keep out the very worst of the barbarians.
When we leave, Britannia must not become a breeding ground for terrorism, or heaven forbid badly behaving football supporters.
I called a meeting of Cobra but it just hissed and tried to bite me. I intend to recall the Senate to approve my decision. Ha ha only joking – they will do whatever I tell ‘em.”
