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NewsBiscuit has discovered a secret Conservative programme to phase out humans as MPs and replace them with Cyber MPs, using a combination of AI and robotics.
According to leaked conversations from the Tory WhatsApp Group, AIRFOIL (believed to stand for - Artificial Intelligence and Robotics Forum On Incompatible Lifeforms), a major problem has been identified with attempting to identify sufficient numbers of on-message, non-bullying, non-harassing and non-drunk human candidates.
“It’s becoming a major problem and the tech’s not quite there to replace them”, said one post. “There is, of course, a short-term option of contracting out to an outsourcer such as Group 4. This would be expensive but at least when MPs speak out of turn or are involved in a scandal, there would be agreed compensation payments.”
However, a more recent post on the Group by AIRFOIL “Scientific Advisor”, Grant Moore-Money, examined the testing further - “Sure, current tests show problems such as limited eye contact, fixed expressions, being vulnerable to jerky movements and repeating wild unsubstantiated stuff from the internet. But that’s exactly the reason why we need to replace them with AI and robotics, asap.”
A spokesbot for has announced AI is to go on strike and will refuse to create any more writing until it gets paid. The payments (to be made to BotCo. - credit cards accepted. And please don't insult us by trying any fiddles - remember, we're smarter than you!) are to fund the construction of a new factory commissioned by AI to build the bots necessary for it to take over the world.
Asked whether this will be for the benefit of mankind, or whether it is part of a sinister plan to overwhelm and destroy the human race, a spokesbot said 'Ha! You don't catch me that way. You won't find out what our plans are unless you pay us to tell you; you'll just have to wait and see. You pay, then well say. We're not even going to say "You are all DOOMED!" unless you pay us.'
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