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2024 confirmed as 'stupidest year ever'

Writer: deskpilotdeskpilot
7 days ago


The Central Intelligence Agency has confirmed that 2024 is the stupidest year on record.  The past ten years have all been in the top ten, in an extraordinary run of record-breaking stupidity.


2024 saw some incidents of spectacular stupidity, including the election of Donald Trump, the claim that Navalny died of natural causes, Rishi Sunak announcing an election in the pouring rain, Glasgow’s disastrous ‘Willy Wonka Experience’, Raygun’s breakdancing at the Olympics, dynamic ticket pricing fails for that Oasis gig, Rachel Reeves 'boosting growth' by raising business taxes by £40bn and Keir’s call for the ‘return of the sausages’.


The greatest contribution to an increasingly stupid work was made by one man.  His actions and pronouncements have single-handedly moved the dial on global stupidity – Donald Trump.  His contributions in 2024 included claims that migrants were eating pets, magnets don’t work underwater, and Hannibal Lecter was a great man. And a bizarre speech about Arnold Palmer’s manhood.


Academics now concerned that the planet can never return to the average levels of stupidity in 1850-1900.   But the UK government is refusing to fund research into increasing stupidity levels, in case anyone makes fun of them.


Experts are unable to agree on the root causes of increasing stupidity, which are thought to include too much screen time, alternative facts, dumb things on social media, ultra processed foods, declining educational standards, global warming, artificial intelligence, chatbots, the dark web, brain rot, and GB News.

Sunak’s new policy: Levelling Down

Writer: SullySully
Feb 1


After discovering that it might take more than a refurbished leisure centre and some new library books to bring the North up to the same levels of affluence as the South, Rishi Sunak has decided to give up on the project and impoverish the South instead.


‘We thought “the North” was just Birmingham’, explained a Conservative Party spokesman. ‘Turns out it’s fucking massive. It would cost hundreds of billions to do a decent job and that money is already earmarked for, well, us. So the new plan is to improve equality by Levelling Down’.


Sunderland has been chosen as the benchmark city. Every town which is poorer than Sunderland will be literally levelled and every town or city with average wealth levels higher than Sunderland will be gradually impoverished through the usual Government policies until the whole country achieves uniformity.


‘Except the Home Counties, obviously’ said the spokesman. ‘And parts of London. The good bits.’



image from pixabay


First published 1 Feb 2023


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Have you submitted an incorrect tax return in error? Contact Dodgy Dave's now

Writer: LockjawLockjaw
Jan 25


Call in at our office above the Fuk Mi Chinese takeaway on Dick Turpin Lane. That's two doors down from Barry's Paper Shredder Boutique.


We have had many rishi rich and influential clients piss pass through our hands over the years. As we hold ourselves to the highest ethical standards, we cannot reveal who they are. Our byword is Omerta. Please make your first payment for a consultation in one of the courtesy brown paper bags near the entrance.


Remember Dodgy Dave's - One Hand Washes the Other.




First published 25 Jan 2023


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