Labour to impose a supertax on bingo

Government sources have confirmed that the government is running out of ways to scar the poor, penalise the old and disenfranchise the disabled.  Despite all their best efforts they have raped, pillaged and censored the weak and the worthy alike.  Their last, best hope is to raise the taxes on bingo halls, targeting the lower paid and most easily distracted elements in society.

'It is well known that the lower paid, the under-educated and those who seek inexpensive light relief from caring duties like to spend time in bingo halls.  They are our target victims - er - audience, so we will make their miserable lives more miserable.  It's the least we can do, and the least is definitely what we want to do,' said a government spokesman today.

Photo by Bruno Guerrero on Unsplash

US billionaires to FINALLY get a break

America’s most oppressed minority – billionaires – have expressed relief that the current Commie hellscape is drawing to a close.

‘You wouldn’t believe how much tax I paid on my last moon base’, one billionaire told us. ‘I’m working night and day to put America on the map yet every gallon of space-grade rocket fuel carries more than a cent in tax. Doesn’t Biden WANT greatness?’

Donald Trump has promised to liberate America’s wealthy from the shackles of socialism. Private sex islands will now be tax-free, penis enlargement kits and fake tan dispensers will be provided from federal reserves and ‘people ownership’ will once more drive America’s industrial strength.

Presidential Hanger-On Elon Musk, and some other bloke nobody has heard of, will job share the role of making government more efficient by sacking all the people in it (except themselves). This will have the benefit of eliminating the Department of Education, which is kryptonite for billionaires. No date has been set for the book-burnings.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Editors note: Efficiency is improved if, for example, you can get more output from the same input, or the same output from reduced input. Sacking everyone, as referenced in the piece above, should certainly reduce input costs, but the effect on outputs might be harder to predict. Don't try to divide zero by zero, you'll upset the mathematicians. That's as far as we go on economics. If you want to know more, try WackyPedia.

Sunak admits having Attention Deficit Hyper-rich Disorder

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