No peeping toms in the days of William of Orange

Tories will solve housing crisis by enforced marriage

In the absence of any other policies, the Conservative Party has jumped on an idea that came up when Nadine Dorries visited a singles bar in Liverpool, ostensibly for research purposes; and discovered that 32.7% of the Liverpool population were there in the hope of finding a partner.

After telling a bachelor spad he ought to 'ger yerself up there', the point was raised that all these singletons are occupying homes that two people could probably inhabit, so the notion of compulsory marriage was developed and may appear in the Conservative Party Manifesto.

Willian Nomates, the bachelor chairman of the Godalming Conservative Association told Newsbiscuit he thought the idea was an excellent one and said he is looking forward to the day he will have someone accompany him to the club’s dinner and dances, hoping his enforced partner will be happy going Dutch.

A number of Tory MPs are unhappy about the idea though, as it would lead to a reduction in their rental income.

Image: Newsbiscuit