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Evolution going into reverse, says Attenborough. Also, Trump sworn in.



Scientist, national treasure and brother of the Jurassic Park bloke, Sir David Attenborough, has wowed the scientific community by providing proof that evolution has finally started going backwards.


In a paper presented to the International Science Gang, Sir David cites many examples of this phenomenon.


'The rise to prominence of such armpit-scratching, knuckle-draggers like Trump, Musk and Tate is a sure sign of this,' he told the BBC.


'Their three syllable names will soon regress to two syllable names and by 2030, society's 'alpha-males' will just be identified by grunts and whistles. Reality TV shows will get worse with I'm a Celebrity taking part in a real jungle where contestants won't get to leave, Love Island will just be a resort to breed large-breasted, sloping-fore headed dipshits and Britain's Got Talent will just be people on stage throwing their faeces at Simon Cowell. So, it won't be all bad'


He added, 'Within one generation, human beings could be back living in caves, wearing the skins of their enemies to keep warm, and eating the Deliveroo driver.'


However, not all scientists agree. Professor Brian Cox told us, 'Human beings do not have the upper body strength to climb trees any more and, most kids couldn't do it if they had a ladder, their helicopter parents won't let them do anything considered even remotely so dangerous as physical exercise.'


He continued, 'I'm not the one from Succession, by the way.'


Captain Pugwash friend says BBC portrayal of pirate ‘not true to life’


A lifelong work colleague of cartoon pirate Captain Pugwash has described the BBC’s dramatisation of his exploits on the high seas as "complete fantasy" and "so unfair on other members of the Black Pig crew and all who sailed in her".


Speaking to BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour, Tom who was cabin boy aboard the pirate ship during the Pugwash captaincy said: 'The BBC show just makes me so angry. The trouble is that people, especially in America, believe it to be completely true.'


The cabin boy added that the Pugwash character as depicted by the BBC was "not true to life" and totally misrepresented what it was like to be a blood thirsty pirate on the ocean waves. He also said high-seas rival Cut-Throat Jake had not plundered more treasure than Captain Pugwash as suggested during series two of the BBC dramatisation, and that The Flying Dustman crew were no match for the thieving blaggards aboard The Pig.


Tom confirmed he no longer watched Pugwash on TV saying the new BBC dramatisation had crossed a line and was only interested in ratings and not telling the true story about pirates. ‘It’s descended into crude sensationalism and dishonours all those that sailed under the skull and crossbones,' he said.


Dominic East who plays Pugwash in the BBC cartoon series defended the adaptation saying people should not be quite so sensitive about the show. ‘Some people are asking for a "fictional dramatisation disclaimer" to be added at the end of the show…. but quite honestly I think it’s a big fuss about nothing.


'Pugwash often used terms like "blistering barnacles" and "kipper me capstans’" and had a genuine west country accent to go with it. It is entirely accurate and not exaggerated for dramatic purpose. He really did talk like that.’


Filming for the cartoon series was suspended following the death of Queen Elizabeth II while the country observed a period of mourning throughout September. But production has resumed and show runner John Ryan confirmed the latest series will be aired on the BBC early in the new year.


First published 25 Nov 2022



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BBC dig out Sooty and Sweep for World’s Most Dangerous Locations road trip



In its desperation to combine celebrities with overseas road trips, the BBC have announced children’s favourites Sooty and Sweep will feature in a new six part series, filmed in some of the world’s most dangerous locations.


Whether it’s cooking up a mess in a Guatemalan meth lab, or trying their hand at a drive-by water pistol shooting in Mexico, the game-for-a-laugh pensioners certainly threw themselves into the adventure.


When asked what they enjoyed most, Sweep confirmed it was definitely looking for sausages in Gaza. On the other hand, Sooty found Somalia an eye opener after whipping out his wand in Mogadishu and waving it about. Sadly, “Izzy whizzy let’s get busy” didn’t work its magic as it used to, and the British Embassy had to help the little scamp out of jail.


Both furry friends agreed that Belarus was definitely one to visit and somewhere they felt right at home in a puppet state, while things didn’t go quite as smoothly in Afghanistan where the art of the custard pie in the face was lost on the Taliban. Sweep explained they had to escape in a car hidden in the glove compartment.


If this series proves popular with viewers the Beeb have more former children’s entertainers lined up for overseas jollies, with Muffin the Mule tackling U.S. Customs, and Bill and Ben chasing Weed in Canada.

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