Another bitterly disappointing Reading Festival, says librarian

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Birmingham appearing on maps since before the 2022 Commonwealth Games

There was some confusion this week after journalists claimed that this year’s Commonwealth Games have really put Birmingham on the map. Literal minded Reading resident Elsie Glovebox popped to check the Reader’s Digest AA Book Of The Road and found Birmingham was there, as she’d remembered it was, having looked at it many years ago when she and husband Stanley had used it when first visiting Stan’s sister Maureen who lives in King’s Heath.

Maureen was asked to comment and said Birmingham always appears on the weather map and incidentally, she’s delighted that King’s Heath is now a gay village, and wasn’t that Tony Iommi good on the opening ceremony, she hopes to see a bit more of him in the closing ceremony.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/beansandsausages-15282139/

Brits now stockpiling holidays in the UK

The cost of a good old British holiday is now so expensive that a house swap with the De Whistles at number 37 is the only economically viable option remaining.

Fuchsia Lipton from Guildford complained, "We really wanted to fly from Gatwick to Torquay with EasyJet. But a cockroach infested B&B with a shared toilet is now going for £2,046 a night, and there's a 2-week waiting list for cancellations. What the actual fuch? Are the cockroaches extra?"

Josh Lipton added, "We are convinced some people are stockpiling holidays just to stop others from getting in on the act. I mean, how can it be possible that the station hostelry in Crewe is fully booked right through the summer? No one in their right mind would actually want to stay there. Not even trainspotters like uncle Wilf."

"So we started eyeing up our neighbours' houses. The De Whistles have the only south-facing back garden in the close with a lean-to, so it was a no-brainer. We're going to do a house swap with them in July."

Leaning in, Fuchsia whispered, "They don't actually know that, of course, so don't tell anyone. They trusted us with their key to feed their kitties while they're swanning off to the Travelodge at Reading services on the M4. But they kept referring to it as going on their holibobs, and you can't let that shit slide. We're just going to move in while they're away."

It was not made clear if the Liptons were husband and wife, or brother and sister.