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After a series of gaffes, the Home Secretary is to be traded for something more reliable and less likely to break down in public. Arguably an upgrade, a bus can at least be trusted not to call each destination a $hithole.
Every time he opens his mouth there is no sense that he knows where his sentence is going or what route it will take. Complained one passenger: 'I'd thought I'd bought a return ticket to Skegness but instead got re-routed to a weird date-rape anecodate.'
The replacement service will be used indefinitely, while Cleverly is pushed into the political sidings. Explained one bus operator. 'We may take a little longer but at least everyone will get on board with our inappropriate jokes.'
The stretch of HS2 from Birmingham to Manchester is in doubt today as the government refuses to stretch to a confirmation that it will stretch as far as Manchester.
Opposition figures criticised the government for stretching the truth when they announced last year that it would stretch all the way and not be cut back.
"It's stretching credulity to think that in these hard times, at a stretch, they aren't considering cuts" said a spokesman.
We can confirm that in the creation of this article we did not use a stretched limo, but we did stretch a point until it had to be carried off on a stretcher.
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