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The tunnel was initially pitched as a route to a fabled land of plenty - like Narnia or the Isle of Wight. Now, all optimism of a hasty exit has dwindled, now that it has become clear that the light at the end of the tunnel would just be the headlights of the HGV that was about to hit you. Said one UK resident: '£9bn to escape Starmer's Britain seemed a bargain. But it only gets you as far as Tilbury, Essex - which means you're still in the $hit.'
The Lower Thames Crossing was originally called 'Charlie Tunnel' and was to be dug by veteran Prisoners of War. Instead, the hole will be generated by collecting together all the country’s pot holes and combining it with the financial blackholes left by Rachel Reeves. The entry sign reads "Abandon Hope All Ye that Enter...£5 toll, please". And like all UK politics, there will be no opportunity to turn left.
Updated: Mar 25
Rachel Reeves has defended her attendance as a Sabrina Carpenter gig, saying that the tickets were of no value to her.
She thought she was getting tickets to see The Carpenters, and accepted them to highlight the issue of eating disorders. She said that she wasn’t aware that Karen Carpenter had died some while ago, and expressed her condolences.
When it became clear that Sabrina Carpenter was neither related to The Carpenters, nor a tribute act, it was too late to send the tickets back without seeming rude or ungrateful. Â The Chancellor therefore reluctantly accepted the advice of her staff that she should go ahead and attend the concert. Â She confirmed that she had not enjoyed it at all, and would never want to repeat the experience.
Rachel Reeves is 46.
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