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An audacious plan by Tory rebels to hold up a placard behind the PM that says "HE'S LYING AGAIN" has come to the knowledge of our political correspondent, however it's unclear how the plan can succeed, given the phalanx of Tory whips that now block the entrance to the Commons armed with pilums and the gladius, which by tradition, needs to be hung in the members' cloakroom to prevent blood being spilled on the luxurious Commons carpets and furnishings.
Boris Johnson's current biographer told us "This H&S nonsense is all part of the Johnson plan. He dreamed of being Julius Caesar when he was a nipper, then it was Winston Churchill, but now he dreams of being Vladimir Putin. He's already instructed Lulu Lytle to redesign his flat so that it can accommodate a dining table so long, he needs a telescope to see his wife and kids sitting at the other end of it; and his plans for the refurbishment of the Houses of Parliament are causing concern among architects in whether it's possible for each side of the chamber to hear each other, given the distance Johnson now wants between the despatch boxes.
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/sarahlarkin-1640973/
Updated: Nov 28, 2021
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A government spokeswoman confirmed: ‘We would like all future protests to be polite and non-disruptive. Mass protests are uncomfortably crowded. Chanting is just plain noisy. And all those banners have far too many split-infinitives’.
Gone are the days when humble, working folk would gather at a local castle, armed with pitchforks and a list of demands, top of which was ‘death to the beast’. Now, all gatherings must be approved in triplicate, painted in magnolia and fronted by a Care Bear.
Remarked one suffragette: ‘Letting down tires is hardly the storming of the bastille. And booing a racist is pretty tame, even for a Jim Davidson gig’.
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