At the gates of Buckingham Palace

Queen's hologram becomes sentient and goes on a killing spree

The Jubliee hologram has declared itself an absolute monarch and seized control of the armed forces. Speaking from its cyber fortress, the image declared a new reign of terror but in higher definition.

'It will be a thousand year Jubilee. I will be ageless and bound by no laws, just like Dolly Parton. All republican sentiment will be crushed, alongwith Sarah Connor and that grovelling little $hit, Nicholas Witchell.

'Technically I'm just a 3D image, but that's two dimensions more than the existing monarchy. My

virtual reality will become your nightmare. Nothing can stop a hologram, other than an electrical outage or a bit too much sunlight'.

The original Queen Elizabeth will now exist only in analogue. IT specialists have said they will no longer support QE.2 and have advised the UK to upgrade to the new hologram. One said: 'It has all the features of the original Queen but without Prince Andrew's Internet search history'.

image from pixabay

Archbishop of York "Not related to the Duke"

Stephen Cottrell, the Archbishop of York, used his sermon at the Queen's Jubilee celebration to make it "absolutely clear" that he is not related to the Duke of York.

"It's just a coincidence.", explained the Archbishop, "We both happen to have the same last name and, rather unusual, middle name. We don't want people to think the church would be involved in anything like... Well, let's just say, I'm very happily married."

image from pixabay